When Modesty Becomes Rude
By Alex J. Brown
It’s not uncommon to struggle with how to respond to compliments, but immediately defaulting to humility may not have the effect you intended. In trying to not come across as arrogant when we’re praised for our work, we tend to either downplay the kind words or defer credit to someone or something else.
In an article for Entrepreneur, business etiquette expert, Jacqueline Whitmore, points out some unintended consequences:
Never undermine the compliment. Receive every compliment with unassuming gratitude. Avoid phrases like, “Oh, it’s no big deal,” or “Thanks, but it was nothing.” When you downplay a compliment, you may feel that you’re showing humility. Instead, it may make the person who gave you the compliment feel personally rejected.
She further warns against immediately complimenting back the other person, in what can become “compliment battles:”
Especially when a compliment comes from someone you respect and admire, you may feel the inclination to “out-compliment” or downplay your work. This may be appropriate in Asia, but not in the U.S. Fight the urge to one-up someone’s sincere praise. Don’t say something like, “Thank you, but we know my input wasn’t nearly as valuable as yours.” Instead, embrace the moment and be grateful for the accolade.
Instead, don’t overthink it: smile, say thanks, and keep the conversation moving forwards.
